Easter is over and I’ve gained 8lbs to show for it. That’s 8lbs in 2 weeks, by the way. Considering it took me 3 months to lose those 8lbs in the first place, it’s not so great, huh? Yep, that’s the reality of insulin resistance, carb intolerance and sugar addiction. I overindulged on Easter eggs, desserts at the hotel during a spa break away and binged on starchy carbs generally. I’m not perfect – far from it. When I stop keto I really have disordered eating. I go from very strict to bingeing with no gauge (I don’t get sugar rushes or crashes like a normal person, I could stuff my face on chocolate all day). I’ll be honest, I’m at a loss about how to manage my sugar addiction in the long term. For now, I’m doing what I can. Back on the bacon since 24th April and I’m not beating myself up either. Guilt is a useless emotion.

At low moments when I’ve had to put on my social face at work or elsewhere in public, at times I’ve made light of my sugar addiction. I’ve joked about why can’t I be addicted to broccoli or celery; why do I have to be addicted to something as devilishly delicious as chocolate? The truth is, giving in to self pity just before my 2 weeks off work for Easter break (I work in a grammar school) was what got me into trouble. I had been on strict keto since 25th January and had successfully made it through both Valentine’s Day and Mother’s Day without any cravings, when suddenly I felt that life was unfair; why shouldn’t I be able to have a little piece of chocolate egg. Just a teensy bit. You can guess what happened once I had myself convinced. One piece is never enough.

Where does it end? Yes, I am self aware enough to know that this battle will be a lifelong struggle and – cheesy spring pun intended – I’m no spring chicken. The older I get the more my hormones will be against me. I need to find a balance between managing my sugar addiction and allowing myself treats on social occasions. This is good in theory, but how it will work in reality is another thing. Nevertheless, I have had to eat a huge slice of humble (chocolate) pie this month since I had only recently been celebrating my 2 year keto anniversary and feeling proud of how far I have come. Whilst that remains true, I still have a long way to go on the road to sugar addiction recovery.

About Leilanie Stewart

Leilanie Stewart is an author and poet from Belfast, Northern Ireland. She has written four novels, including award-winning ghost horror, The Blue Man, as well as three poetry collections. Her writing confronts the nature of self; her novels feature main characters on a dark psychological journey who have a crisis of identity and create a new sense of being. She began writing for publication while working as an English teacher in Japan, a career pathway that has influenced themes in her writing. Her former career as an Archaeologist has also inspired her writing and she has incorporated elements of archaeology and mythology into both her fiction and poetry. In addition to promoting her own work, Leilanie runs Bindweed Magazine, a creative writing literary journal with her writer husband, Joseph Robert. Aside from publishing pursuits, Leilanie enjoys spending time with her husband and their lively literary lad, a voracious reader of sea monster books. CONNECT WITH ME ON SOCIAL MEDIA: https://mailchi.mp/75c5a1ad6956/leilanie-stewart-author-info

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s