Easter is over and I’ve gained 8lbs to show for it. That’s 8lbs in 2 weeks, by the way. Considering it took me 3 months to lose those 8lbs in the first place, it’s not so great, huh? Yep, that’s the reality of insulin resistance, carb intolerance and sugar addiction. I overindulged on Easter eggs, desserts at the hotel during a spa break away and binged on starchy carbs generally. I’m not perfect – far from it. When I stop keto I really have disordered eating. I go from very strict to bingeing with no gauge (I don’t get sugar rushes or crashes like a normal person, I could stuff my face on chocolate all day). I’ll be honest, I’m at a loss about how to manage my sugar addiction in the long term. For now, I’m doing what I can. Back on the bacon since 24th April and I’m not beating myself up either. Guilt is a useless emotion.

At low moments when I’ve had to put on my social face at work or elsewhere in public, at times I’ve made light of my sugar addiction. I’ve joked about why can’t I be addicted to broccoli or celery; why do I have to be addicted to something as devilishly delicious as chocolate? The truth is, giving in to self pity just before my 2 weeks off work for Easter break (I work in a grammar school) was what got me into trouble. I had been on strict keto since 25th January and had successfully made it through both Valentine’s Day and Mother’s Day without any cravings, when suddenly I felt that life was unfair; why shouldn’t I be able to have a little piece of chocolate egg. Just a teensy bit. You can guess what happened once I had myself convinced. One piece is never enough.

Where does it end? Yes, I am self aware enough to know that this battle will be a lifelong struggle and – cheesy spring pun intended – I’m no spring chicken. The older I get the more my hormones will be against me. I need to find a balance between managing my sugar addiction and allowing myself treats on social occasions. This is good in theory, but how it will work in reality is another thing. Nevertheless, I have had to eat a huge slice of humble (chocolate) pie this month since I had only recently been celebrating my 2 year keto anniversary and feeling proud of how far I have come. Whilst that remains true, I still have a long way to go on the road to sugar addiction recovery.

About Leilanie Stewart

Leilanie Stewart is an author and poet from Belfast, Northern Ireland. Her writing centres around protagonists who are on a journey of self-discovery and who explore their identity by overcoming adversity. She began writing for publication while working as an English teacher in Japan, a career pathway that has influenced themes in her writing. Her former career as an Archaeologist has also inspired her writing and she has incorporated elements of archaeology and mythology into both her fiction and poetry. In addition to promoting her own work, Leilanie runs Bindweed Magazine, a creative writing ezine, with her writer husband, Joseph Robert. Aside from literary pursuits, Leilanie enjoys spending time with her husband and their lively literary tot, a voracious reader of construction vehicle books. CONNECT WITH ME ON SOCIAL MEDIA: https://mailchi.mp/17e6ca162ff3/leilanie-stewart-author

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